Hi, so college. That’s a thing. Someone explain to me why society thought I was prepared to determine my life before I’m even allowed to legally consume alcohol (no I’m not promoting teen alcoholism, it’s just the first thing that came to mind with turning 21). I wish I could say this post was about how I’ve applied to colleges and I know where I’m going. The first part of that is true, I have applied to some places. It’s just weird because I’ve never been that person to have a dream school. Like in all honesty, my main requirement was just getting the heck away from home. I’ve had enough bad memories here for a lifetime thanks lol. Yeah, sure there are places I’ve applied that I would be ok with going to, but I don’t feel compelled that I belong at one certain place? Also, while the application process is stressful don’t get me wrong, the anxiety that accompanies waiting for a decision is worse somehow? I love that my self worth has been belittled to a college admissions letter. Yay for good mental health…not.

This is a separate little rant, still on the basis of higher education. I’m going to assume that we all know and love a little thing called standardized testing? Specifically the ACT and SAT? We love having another platform for colleges to compare us to one another. Speaking of comparisons, has anyone been ACT shamed? Don’t you just love when your entire being is trivialized to a quantitative value? Like that 2 digit symbol suddenly defines you. I know it’s probably not like this everywhere, but I go to a school with 2000 something other people, and we have some intelligent brainiacs here. I also happen to be within that friend circle, so when I’m informed of all these perfect or near perfect scores, it does a number on my well being. And I know that it shouldn’t affect me. But, you can’t expect me to not feel lesser when all my peers basically have a simplistic evaluation of my intelligence relative to theirs. By no means am I saying that ACT measures intelligence and should be considered as such (but you know people do anyways which is a whole other issue by the way). So yeah, it sucks. I feel ashamed of a score that genuinely others would find spectacular. I guess it really goes to show how comparison is our basis for social order. We compare this and that to get a sense of where we fall on the hierarchy. Ridiculous. Sad to say that I fall prey to it, but I’m trying to not associate myself to just quantitative values. Sorry for this impromptu, long rant lol definitely didn’t mean for that to happen. I’ll see you next time!